Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
why is half of my head shaved?
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