A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
