Cold hands, warm shart.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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