Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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