Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
