You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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