I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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