Tell her she can't have a vagina
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
