I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
