I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize