Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
