why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
