I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
