i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize