i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
