You made me cry and you don't even care
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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