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Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
