Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
