Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
