I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
