Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ugly people sure do ruin things
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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