I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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