...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
