you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
