his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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