If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
