I think my fart just growled at me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So squirting runs in the family.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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