I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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