There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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