you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't notice because vodka
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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