As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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