There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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