it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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