I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
