fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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