bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
