U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
where am i from again
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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