At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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