Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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