Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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