Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
