You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
