party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
