i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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