i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize