I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
