OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
