even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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