My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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