shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
