from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
