I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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