you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
