You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
