Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
