Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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