Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
