I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
