guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
