This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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