at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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