They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize