i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
