I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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