Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
