i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
