I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
