I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I forget how to act sober
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
