Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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