We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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